On writing tough things

So I need to get back to writing.  I really do.  I did do some work on Nemesis yesterday, but then got sidetracked into doing a related side-project.  In Nemesis, the main character, Tara, is captured by the US government and is taken to an underground facility.  She has a number of amazing abilities, including the ability to communicate with others through her dreams (which, I realized some time ago, sounds an awful lot like astral projection).

Well, when she’s down there, she is experimented on and observed by scientists.  The side-project consists of the notes and observations written by the scientists.  The side-project is really fun because one of the scientists is a snobby European who is a lot of fun to write.

That scientist also happens to be a sex-addict and a rapist.  This is actually important to the story, I promise, but I don’t want to spoil it.  There are rape scenes, and all of them were pretty graphic, but I toned most of them down, except for the last one.  I felt, and feel so bad for writing them, but on the other hand, why sweep these issues under the rug?  I don’t want people to get off on these scenes…I just want people to see them for the horror they are, I guess.

I’m also scared to let my fellow conservatives read those scenes, if I ever get around to finishing it enough to send it out to beta readers.  And I am definitely kind of scared to let anyone in my family read them (they can’t wait to read the finished novel).  I don’t want to censor myself or chicken out either, though.