All Hail Captain Douchebag

All Hail Captain Douchebag

April 4, 2019 0 By Elaine Arias

So now that I’m done with Brie Larson, I can opine on that other Marvel idiot.

That would be Douchebag Extraordinaire, Chris Evans and his spiffy new Grammarly iOS Keyboard (and I bet you a trillion dollars he has one, the pretentious fuck. If he had paid attention in school he wouldn’t fucking need it).

So he’s the cover bitch for the latest issue of The Hollywood Reporter and there is a super long profile of Captain Douche. I saved it to my Pocket account and the damn thing would take, like, twenty minutes to read. I’m a fast reader and I can probably read it in less, but even ten minutes is too long for Captain Douche. I was going to write about it a couple of days ago, but I had better things to do, like the dishes, playing Elder Scrolls Online, cooking dinner, sitting on the toilet, sleeping…pretty much anything.

The Political Avenger: Chris Evans Takes on Trump, Tom Brady, Anxiety and Those Retirement Rumors

It’s a Friday afternoon in February, and the view from Chris Evans’ house in the Hollywood Hills consists mostly of fog. He bought this place for $3.2 million in 2013, back when he was two hit movies into his seven-film stint as Marvel Studios’ Captain America; there’s a Zen-ish garden inside the front gate, and a stone Buddha sits by the door.

Breitbart went nuts with the story. They weren’t the only ones, but they posted four different stories or something. I’ve linked to just two of them:

Chris Evans Launching Political Website for ‘Empathetic Citizens’ — But Says He Can’t Be Friends with ‘a Trump Supporter’

Hollywood actor Chris Evans is launching a political website he hopes will create more “empathic” Americans. The Marvel star is pepping this platform despite his own intolerance for the political views of others.

‘Avengers’ Star Chris Evans: I’m Willing to Alienate Half My Audience to Trash Trump

Chris Evans, star of the upcoming film Avengers: Endgame said that he would be “disappointed” in himself if he didn’t speak out against “dumb shit” President Donald Trump, even if it means alienating half his audience. “You don’t want to alienate half your audience,” Chris Evans told The Hollywood Reporter.

Now, according to these sources. he’s setting up a website that’s supposed to be for “empathetic” people, whatever that means. But he cannot be friends with a Trump supporter, and has been reconsidering his support for New England Patriots player Tom Brady, who seems to be a low-key Trump supporter (and might not be one anymore, for all we know). Last year he said he’d give Tom Brady a pass, but it seems that that was short-lived.

Oh. and I want to point out that he does not know Tom Brady and hasn’t actually met him. He doesn’t even really know why Tom Brady ever supported him, and is now using his name to publicize his new site and the upcoming Avengers movie. Kind of tacky, but whatever.

Look, I am super hardcore libertarian and I get along fine with my Trump-hating relatives. I have no problem with them and they have no problem with me. Why people with differing political opinions cannot be friends is beyond me. I don’t mind it if you disagree with me – have at it – but what I do mind is bitchiness. It is possible to express an opinion without being a raging asshole.

I am going to give Chris Evans a little bit of credit. Just before this profile hit the Web and newsstands, he took a trip to Washington DC and met with several Congressmen, including Rep. Dan Crenshaw. He got a lot of shit for meeting with Republicans, and as far as I know, he has not apologized for meeting with them. His reasoning for being unafraid to alienate Trump supporters isn’t entirely bad, but kind of offensive when you realize that he honestly thinks we’re all that intolerant. He doesn’t have a whole lot of self-awareness.

His whole politics-schtick will probably turn out every bit as well as Jennifer Lawrence’s year-long sabbatical from movies. Yes. that lousy bitch took of a year to learn about politics and came out with a bunch of videos that were nothing more than stale DNC talking points spouted by a former Oscar winner.

I think Captain Douche’s website will probably be nothing more than a stale Xerox copy of Vox or The Huffington Post and will be quickly forgotten. Furthermore, I don’t think we need anymore political sites. There’s enough of them as it is.

But yeah, his whole ‘I don’t care if I’m alienating people” and “I can’t be friends with a Trump supporter” is also bad customer service. He’s insulting a broad swath of customers and telling them they’re all beneath him. That short of shit would get anyone else fired on the spot, but these Hollywood shitstains can say such nasty things to people on a regular basis and get away with it.

Like the people working on the new Star Wars films, recent video games like Mortal Kombat XI and so on, insulting the fans that criticize the changes they made to their respective franchises. This has become a huge trend among leftist writers, directors, developers, designers. etc – if someone does not like it when you inject your personal politics into a product that wasn’t even that political in the first place, insult them and tell them “don’t like it, don’t buy it.” That is astonishingly arrogant. What are they going to do when 60% of those fans just abandon their product and aren’t replaced by the blue-haired feminazi freaks they’re hoping to attract? They go out of business.

It might not happen overnight, but it will happen, but these fuckers will keep whining about raaaaaacism and seeeeeeeexism and all the other -isms because nothing is ever their fault, they’re victims and waa waa waa.

I customized the fake certificate at Diploma Degree.  This guy is definitely 2019’s Biggest Douche in the Universe.